


I Won't Say I'm In Love

by NestaArcheronWillKillMe



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 10:10:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15861537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NestaArcheronWillKillMe/pseuds/NestaArcheronWillKillMe
Summary: So @fractured-moonlight-on-the-seas on Tumblr posted a prompt- “I love you” mid-fight- and I took it upon myself to write it. So here goes.





	I Won't Say I'm In Love

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to follow me on Tumblr @nestaarcheronwillkillme  
> xX

 

* * *

The music was deafening, so loud that Mor had to shout for there to be any hope of Cassian hearing her.

“How are you and Nesta coping after three months of living together?”

“We’re good. Better than good actually, we had sex again this morning!” He drunkenly swayed and smiled at the remarkableness of his proclamation. Mor giggled.

“Is she good? I bet she’s good! Kinky?” She snorted with laughter. 

“I’m not revealing anything! Although, I will say that she gives what she takes.” He wiggled his eyebrows and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “She is also probably kinkier than Azriel and Elain put together!”

They both cackled and downed another shot. 

~ ~ ~

The laughter she could hear from inside was soul-crushing. Knowing that another woman could bring him a kind of joy that she couldn’t. 

The door was flung open- followed by a loud snort. Then a crash- the bloody umbrella stand was knocked over. “I’ll leave you to your Mistress!” Mor slurred.  _What?!_  The door crashed shut. 

“How does she know about that?” Nesta’s voice was barely a whisper but held the venom of a viper. 

“I told her…” The glare she sent his way had him rethink “…after being severely lubricated with alcohol of various kinds?”

Nesta tried so cauldron damn hard. She really did. Unfortunately for a nearby plant pot, she couldn’t quite reign in her anger and disappointment. 

It shattered without her lifting a finger. 

“Sleep on the couch, I made your supper. It’s probably cold by now. I’m going to bed.” Her voice was dim, nothing remained of the anger she showed a second earlier. 

“Sweetheart! Nes, it was a joke.” The devastation in his eyes almost broke her. 

“I know, it’s fine. I just can’t tonight, I’m sorry.” She ascended the stairs almost absentmindedly and fell atop the bed missing the familiar warmness of the one who she was afraid of most. 

~ ~ ~

The next morning Cassian felt like shit. Not only was he hung over, but he couldn’t unsee the disappointment on Nesta’s face last night. 

He had to make it up to her. He sat up from the sofa and stumbled into the kitchen- his eyes scrunched up. A cup of hot honey water sat on the counter ready for him. Nesta must already be out of bed. 

He drank the whole cup in record time and immediately felt much better. 

“Nes?” He called. 

No answer. She must have just left- for where he had no idea. Saturdays were usually their lazy morning days. Though, with Nesta almost every day were their lazy morning days. 

He set about making her favourite brunch- with a twist. 

~ ~ ~

Nesta prepared herself, breathing in and out slowly and shaking off her shivers, before knocking on the large ornate doors of Feyre and Rhysand’s townhouse.  _She could do this_. 

 A large bang could be heard from the other side of the door, then the scurrying of feet and very audible curses- even a giggle.  _Great._  She should just turn around and come back later. 

The door opened and a very red-faced Feyre popped her head around the door. 

“Oh. Nesta. Hi?” She was clearly confused, they had barely talked since Nesta’s return to Velaris. 

“Hello. Can I come in? I…I have to talk to you.” She nodded before pausing. “Actually, if you could just wait for a second, we…we just need to…to do something.” She was off before she had even finished her sentence. 

“Get your damn clothes on Rhys. Why did you have to rip these?” Nesta groaned at the confirmation of what she interrupted. 

“Feyre, darling, I don’t think you understand how delectable you look when you’re flustered. My pants simply won’t go back on.”  _No, no, no._ She couldn’t get that image out of her mind no matter how hard she tried. 

“Hurry up! I’m freezing out here!” Nesta shouted, hoping here irritation was clear. 

“Sorry! I’m coming- shut up Rhys or we won’t continue.” 

Eventually, Rhysand answered the door with a smirk- which faltered when he saw her face. “Sorry for the wait, we were just having breakfast. It was absolutely _delicious_.” 

Nesta smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, I can tell.” She made slow work of looking him up and down. He had the decency to turn red.

Once through the threshold, her nerves returned. 

“So, I’m here. I’m here because…well, Cassian and I. I just want some…some…tips or pointers?”

“You want help with Cass?” Rhysand interjected.  

“If you want to put it that way, then yes.”

“Well, ask away!” Feyre gestured to the lounge and they all took a seat. 

“Well, Cass and I…we we’re going well and it was great.”

“Right…? And now you’re not ‘going well’?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I just, I don’t know what’s up with him. He’s always going out and getting drunk and he knows I can’t come. He knows that if I go I won’t be able to stop. I don’t want him missing out because of me and I know we don’t keep alcohol in the house but I just want him home. I think I L. O. V. E. him and I don’t know if that’s bad or whatever because at the moment it seems he likes Mor better than me. I mean, he fucking laughs at her shitty jokes and he tells her all about our sex life and apparently, I’m just one big fucking joke to them and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.”

Feyre blinked. Rhysand smirked and said, “You’ve got it bad.”

“So you’ve not told him that you love him before and you’re freaking out about it?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“I think you’ll find that it is. Just tell him, make a dinner for him or something and then just say it. Or say it whilst you’re being…intimate. It’s really not that hard, see?” She turned to her partner “I love you, Rhys.”

“I love you too, Feyre darling.” They then kissed for a lot longer than necessary.

“What do I do about the clubbing and drinking?”

“Don’t worry about it, he gets like that when he’s nervous about something. He’ll get over it.”

“Right, okay…thanks, I guess. I’ll get back then.”

“Great!” Rhys said, a little over enthusiastically. 

“He means, get home safe and good luck.”

“I will. Bye and happy lovemaking.”

~ ~ ~

The table was all prepared. Her favourite flowers were on the table and the heart-shaped stack of waffles was keeping warm on a low heat. 

It was 1 in the afternoon and she still wasn’t home. So much for brunch. 

He had even dressed up for the occasion. He went out and bought a suit- he had never owned a suit before. 

However, it seemed that Nesta wasn’t coming home for his special surprise.

He had planned it all in his head. He was going to say the L word. 

Two o’clock ticked by and still no sign of Nesta. Cassian sighed. 

Nevermind, she was probably too mad about last night to come home. He packed away all the decorations and ate the waffles himself.

~ ~ ~

Nesta was busy gathering supplies for the special dinner she had planned- it had to be perfect. She didn’t think she could handle Cassian rejecting her. 

“I’d like your best whiskey please.” She told the store vendor. He raised an eyebrow. Most of the shopkeepers knew not to sell to the eldest Archeron sister. 

“It’s not for me, I’m trying to surprise someone special. I promise- you can even tell the High Lord and Lady.”

 He paused. “If you say so.” Then he handed her an expensive looking and large bottle of whiskey. “1,000 coins.” 

Nesta nearly choked on her shock until she remembered that money wasn’t really an issue anymore. She paid and started to make her way home. It was almost four so she hoped that she wasn’t too late. 

She neatly set the table and put the large duck in the oven before preparing the vegetables. She set down the whiskey, staring it down.  _No, Nesta, don’t do it._

She got a glass out.  _For Cassian._

She started to pour, each drop teased her.  _Just a sip._

She took a sip, the bitterness warmed her. _Gods, she had missed that._

_Pull yourself together._

She stared down the remainder of the glass for a half-hour. 

She was finishing it by the time the door swung open. 

“Nes?”

“Coming! Don’t move, I’ve got a surprise.”

“Oh. I was just gonna go out with Mor- we planned to go clubbing to celebrate her getting a date. If we can make it quick that would be great.” 

Nesta finally got to the door, the disappointment she felt was quickly masked as best she could. She swallowed and kissed him. “It’s fine. We can do it some other time. Tell Mor congratulations. Try not to be home too late.”

“Are you sure? I’m sure Mor would be fine- wait. Have you been drinking again?” The suspicion, disappointment and anger he felt were written in his eyes.

“Only a little…really- it’s fine, I can control myself.”

“That’s not the point, Nesta! Why? Why do you feel the need to drown yourself in it?” His voice was booming more with each syllable. 

“I don’t! It was really nothing. It won’t happen again.”

“You said that last time, Nesta! Am I not enough for you?!”

“Don’t be stupid! It was for you in the first place! It was a surprise, I was trying to get you to fucking stay in for once!”

“With bloody alcohol? Do you hear yourself?”

“I made you a dinner too! You know I even asked the vendor how to bloody cook!? Do you know how embarrassing that was?”

The faint smell of burning caught both their noses. 

“Shit. Why did you even bother?! Of course, you would burn the house down!”

“I bothered because I love you, Cassian!” Nesta’s chest heaved and she cursed herself internally. She looked down at the floor, bracing herself. 

“You love me?” His voice was much smaller now. Nesta nodded.

“I know it’s stupid, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have bothered. I’m sorry, I’ll leave- I know you probably don’t want anything as serious as that. I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You are not going anywhere, Nesta Archeron.”

He grabbed her waist and pulled her close for a deep kiss. “You still taste of alcohol but I’ll be damned if I don’t tell you that I love you too.”

Nesta pulled away. “You do? You’re not just saying that?”

“I think I loved you from the second you kneed me in the balls.”

“Even with the burnt duck?”

“Even with the burnt duck.” She kissed him this time. It consumed them both until Nesta’s back was somehow against the wall.

“You know, I might let the fact that I’m currently against the wall go if you cancel your thing with Mor. If not, you know what has to happen.”

He nibbled at her ear, moving his hands to cup her ass. “I think I may have forgotten,  _Mistress_.” Her breathing was becoming lighter and more scattered.

She cupped his length which was rapidly growing hard. Her fingers started to caress the tight fabric. “Don’t test me, my love.” He groaned. 

“Say it again.”

Nesta raised an eyebrow in warning but did not reprimand him. “I love you, Cassian.”

“And I love you too, my queen.”


End file.
